The Holy Grail

 By Roger D. Noriega

[The is a re-print of the e-mail that went out on June 12, 1998 to my friends and family]

June 12, 1998

            Well, my dream came true. Today, I got a chance to do what almost every other Star Trek fan wants to do; I was invited to visit with a producer of the show AND to tour the closed sets of the television show which we (Trekkers) know as STAR TREK: VOYAGER! If one takes the regular studio tour, one is informed that many sets will and can be visited but that the sets to Star Trek: Voyager and Deep Space Nine are closed. Period. No chance. Well, I had visited the studio on two previous occasions and as they say, the third time was the charm.

            I am fortunate to have met Joe Menosky on-line and I have maintained correspondence with him over the last year and a half. He is a nice guy who actually listens to what you have to say. He doesn’t always agree ( I don’t know why? All my ideas are sheer genius as you all know, but that is neither here nor there. I won't state the obvious again, well at least not in this email) with that I bring to the table, but like I said, he does listen and he asks for honest creative critiques.

            I wrote him this past Tuesday, telling him that I would take the day off of work because it is my wedding anniversary -  5 years! I told him that we had not visited the lot in several years and that we planning to take the studio tour again - just one of the things that we have planned for the day. He asked us to stop by and later in the week, he told me that he would try to arrange for a tour of the sets! A tour!?!? No way!! Are you kidding? I Told him that if it is possible, great, if not, oh well.

            We arrived just before 10:00 am and we took the regular tour which lasted some two hours. This is a two-hour,  walking historical tour where you get to see much of Hollywood’s rich history and you get to stand on and see much of what you have seen in the movies and television. As a matter of fact, we walked out to the open-air set of Mr. Nicholas Cage’s new movie, Snake Eyes. We walked out on the board walk and peered into some tunnel in New Jersey, it was, for lack of a better word, RAD [a very 80's term]!

            We saw extras and some of the sets for Star Trek’s Next movie underway [Star Trek: Insurrection]. Again, that was a great treat, aliens were all around. Apparently in our tour group as well as on the sets! I felt like I belonged…

            We saw the Hard Copy staff hard at work coming up with their show for the evening: a controlled chaos, and whirlwind of commotion, and havoc which was just amazing to take in. Outside of the Hard Copy stage, we spied on  Ethan Phillips walking in without make-up, I swear though, he still looked like Neelix without all that rubber stuck to his face!

            We saw Magic’s new show, coincidently enough, on the same sound stage as the old show of, gee what was it? The Arsenio Hall Show. Yeah, that’s it! We walked through the back and traced the steps of Laverne and Shirley, Greg and Marcia (if you don’t know about that, I wont try to explain), Macaulay Caulkin’s mother in Home Alone 2, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Clueless and many others. We took a picture and sat on the bench where what’s-his-face muttered that famous line, “My mother once told me, life was like a  box  of chocolates…”

            We walked by many things that we all grew up with and it was something to be able to share and say, “I saw this one on the big screen”, and immediately look down and want to touch the ground because “Harrison Ford stood here”! Oh my!!!! We saw a holy place, I mean the place where Charlton Hesston stood up and parted the Red Sea, and we were, ah, swimming in excitement. We saw facades to old westerns, Little House on The Prairie and so much more.

            We saw props used in many movies. We saw the FBI bulletin for Mr. Cone head, the Fonz’s mirror in his apartment, the cap used by Eddie Murphy in the Golden Child, the desk in the Adams Family movies, tons of books, tables chairs and every and anything that you could imagine.

            We saw were Lucille Ball lived and worked on the Desilu Studio which is on the Paramount Lot. We saw Tom Cruise’s production company, but no, Mr. Cruise did not fly by in his F-14. The Fraser set was closed as was The Leeza Show due to some "camera smoking" or is that some other kind of "smoking"? I don’t know for sure, but chances are it wasn’t the camera that was taking a hit.

            So much to see and we did, so much to do and . . .see and so much to . . . see. So much more, one must go, chances are you won't see someone famous, but you might see something that you recall seeing before and you can be there for your own personal moment. The famous Hollywood sign is clearly visible from the lot, as if to remind you that every time you look up, you are in HOLLYWOOD. Hollywood, a magical place where people can do some amazing things and where people think that can do some amazing things…Charlie Sheen and Robert Downey, Jr. from Chaplin included.

            Our two-hour tour ended at 12:00 and, no, we weren’t stranded on a deserted island. We went back to where it all began, the Melrose gate and we had the security guard call Mr. Menosky. While he called, I half expected him to hang up and say something like: “I am sorry, but your aren’t scheduled to be here, GO HOME!” It seemed like an eternity which in reality was a ten-second phone call, but like Star Trek, a hairy-thought can last forever. He smiled and said, “You may go in”. All those that were in that cramped, little office, many of them that were on the tour with us, looked at us as if to say, “no, you can’t go in.” He gave me directions and I passed through the metal detector again and this time it went off. The guard was slightly distracted and I stopped, pointed to the metal detector and told him that it had sounded. He thought about it and apparently realized that it had gone off and he brushed it off, “Go on through, you are about the cleanest people that I can let pass.” My wife still passed her purse through the other side and the guard just laughed and he told us to hurry through before he made us go through again.

            Now, we were walking in to the studio, all on our own and without a pass, no escort, and just our wits and some real excitement. I was about to finally to meet with the guy and maybe, I still wasn’t certain, maybe get a tour of the Voyager sets. We walked into the Hart building and after fumbling around in that long hallway, a young kid directed us to Mr. Menosky’s office after he asked us if we were here for our private tour! I will forever have a place for Paramount, literally. He confirmed what I was hoping for and I immediately jumped so high that I left a dent in the roof of the hallway! I kid of course, but I certainly was jumping for joy.

            He directed us to his office, but we met his assistant, a big fellow that was very nice and kind. He told us that Joe was still in meetings and he could not make it. He asked if we were ready for the tour. “Sure”, I answered, with the greatest restraint that I have ever witnessed myself have to endure. Before we walked to the sets, Chris gave me a signed copy of the Episode, “Year of Hell” with Joe’s autograph and the autograph of the other writer, who is now the head honcho of Voyager, Brannon Braga - the same fellow who wrote Star Trek Generations, Star Trek First Contact, and Mission Impossible 2!

            We walked over with Robert, assistant to Kenneth Biller and we finally got to the sound stages, 8 & 9. Turns out that they were filming that day and we would actually see them in action, but that was later. We passed the security guard who I had seen several times before and this time it was different. This time he was letting us in! We walked through the door and made a left turn into stage 8. We passed another door and there it was…a wooden wall. Actually, it was a partition and we walked around a set, recognized it as a conference room and we were off . . .

            We turned another corner and there it was, the Bridge to NCC-74656 U.S.S. Voyager. It was as if the ship was in space dock. The lights were out, but we could still see it, as if we were bening invited up, but since they were not filming on this side of the set, some chairs and consoles were covered with simple plastic. Plastic that some people cover their furniture or computers with. We could not remove them, but we could see all the consoles and we walked into some of the empty alcoves, as if they waited for us to take command and go on our own journey. Walter Mitty would have been proud of us! We stood were Harry Kim and Tuvok stand, I walked into the turbo lift and out again when I made my way to tactical and fired phasers and raised shields, I tapped my chest where I had just placed my communicator badge and I ordered B'Ellana to the bridge. I looked out at the view screen and Cullah appeared! I told him that I would never allow him to take my ship and that he would me in hell before he could take control of it again. I mean, after all, I am not as foolish as Janeway, I can smell a trap! I walked, actually ran to the conn and I pushed this magnificent ship into warp speed, laughing at Cullah, “what a fool” I thought. We entered Roger’s, I mean, Janeway’s ready room and I immediately saw that my office at home was bigger then that of this Captain's own office. Is this it? It looks and feels so small…we went over to the conference room and I ordered the staff to get off their rear-ends and to prepare for a real journey, “We are going back to Borg Space, I have this little diagram, you see…”

            We walked across the set to another level of the ship, Sickbay and we actually got to sit in the Hologram Doctor’s office chair. I swung the chair around, activated the view screen and I called for the doctor. He answered and asked why I was sitting in his chair, I politely reminded that “little trick of light”, that I was the new guy in town and that he was required here immediately. He dismissed me with a arrogant grin and he turned himself off. I tilted my head and said, “Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram AND deactivate his ability to deactivate himself. Who's the boss now?

            We walked through an endless maze of hallways, it was so unreal. I tapped the control for the computer and I asked for directions and the blasted thing told me something about protocol and I silenced the thing with a wave. “If you talk back to me again, I will activate the self-destruct sequence.” There was silence. At least this piece of electrodes understood real authority and rank.

            We then made into the engineering room, the set was immense, but it sure did look much bigger on TV. I walked in and I called for Scotty, oops, wrong guy. I called for Hogan, no answer. Did he die back in year 2??? I think so. I sat down at the main control panel, and I set off a wrap core breach, these lazos need some real dander in their lives…

            We walked past more rooms, we made our way into the mess hall. No one was eating. I walked to the replicator and asked for a Coke Soda, It offered me a cup of tea, Earl Gray. I shot back, “ do I  look like Picard?” It remained silent, I wondered if it was studying my receding hair line…”No, give me a coke”. It did and I told it I wanted “Coke, Soda,” not that powdery white stuff - I don't work here, I am just visiting. We looked into Janeway’s quarters and Tuvok’s, Paris' and actually everyone else’s because it was just one room used by all. “What kind of room is this?”, I thought, “This is what you get when you leave a Talaxian in charge of morale . . ."

            We walked passed some “real” production and we were ordered around to the other side, I saw an extra that I recognized, but we had been instructed not to talk to anyone, he smiled back. I think that I may have caught a glimpse of Janeway doing something, but I couldn’t be certain. We passed the hanger bay, and I upon seeing the Borg alcoves and I jumped up into one and I nearly yelled out: “Seven of Nine” I am ready to be assimilated by you, er, I mean the Borg. Resistance is futile after all.” Look, Picard had it all wrong.

            I didn’t get to see another shuttle I mean after all how many have they lost? I didn’t see the transporter room, nor the holodeck, thank goodness because if I didn’t I would have done my very annoying hail to the chief act . Had I been in the transporter room, not a few reading this would probably have been transported into the nearest wormhole.

            Finally, it came to an end. We walked back to the Hart Building, all jazzed up and we made it to Mr., Menosky’s office, He wasn’t there, still in a meeting but  I left him a gift. I picked up the gift the he left for me and I said goodbye to the staff that took care of us that day. I laughed with Maggie, she was just as giddy and full of glee as was I. Our anniversary had gotten off to a good start. How do I top this? The day was young still and if anything I had learned in the past four hours was that like Voyager, life is what we make of it. The sets were lifeless until we arrived and even though no one was there, ‘cept for the three of us. The adventure was there for the taking and we took it. There always are possibilities…

            Voyager will never be the same for me, I can now say that “I was there” and mean it. A dream that I have had for a long time was fulfilled today, I have one more, and that day will be one where you can see where  have left my mark, and it isn’t in the roof of something, but in something that will live forever. Life is what me make of it and for one day, today, we seized it and enjoyed it more than we normally do.

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